“I love this world because it is imperfect. It is imperfect, and that’s why it is growing; if it was perfect it would have been dead. Growth is possible only if there is imperfection. I would like you to remember again and again, I am imperfect, the whole universe is imperfect, and to love this imperfection, to rejoice in this imperfection is my whole message.”~ Osho
April Fools. Really? Do we really need one this year? I think not. ( I write this amidst the rumbling of another aftershock to the 6.5 earthquake we just had!)
Like most of you, I am receiving plenty of humor and hilarious material these weird days. Thank God. It’s good medicine; there’s no shortage of ups & downs, laughter & tears, fear & faith going on in all our lives.
Had a few conversations today about going insane. And am very much understanding why isolation is used as a way to break people down in prison. ‘Cooped up’, ‘claustrophobic’, ‘chained down’, ‘manic’, ‘manslaughter’ — these are just a few words tossed around in my text threads. One friend is doing a tequila shot with every earthquake after shock. We are all going a bit crazy.
This whole Corona thing is as about out of control a thing as many of us have ever faced. And I’m not talking about just the virus. The whole environment. And… it’s heartwarming to see people become resourcefully lean in when it gets real. Doctors and professionals are frustrated, upset and scared, until it lands on their lap, and then there seems to be a shift.
It’s been interesting to see doctors rally heroically here in central Idaho, where the cases are spreading like our wildfires do; they are doctoring and caring for their neighbors, and their neighbors are doctoring and caring for them; caring human beings, in triage mode. (See this call from the ER doctors in the Mt. Express https://www.mtexpress.com/opinion/guest_opinions/doctors-need-your-help/article_8a7b0bc6-6fc2-11ea-87a6-9f399aeb10b8.html)
In triage mode there is an acceptance. There is a certain amount of letting go of blame- as to why it spread, or where you got it, or why the testing is late or flawed- into dealing mode. There simply is not time for energy on anything besides helping or healing. Everyone gets onboard- you lead, you join, or you get out of the way.
What I’ve seen with doctors out here is a spirit of tremendous support and care. From the ER surgeon volunteering at the testing drive through last week- to my own doctor with patients and family in hospitals all over the state- to the doctor from St. Luke’s in Boise who called at 9:00 last night to make sure someone had reached me. “Your test came back negative but you are definitely a false negative, let’s go through what kind of care your family needs. How’s your son’s fever? and what kind of inhaler are you using? No I’m not sure about the inhaled steroids, let’s be cautious until we know more. We are going to need you all to remain isolated.” These are not normal words from an unknown doctor 300 miles away. This is a concerned human being going outside of protocol and procedure, giving heartfelt compassion, and care. This is triage mode.
I am not going to pretend any of our family was pleased about the test results. Having been through two weeks of illness with every symptom imaginable and people close to us hospitalized, that lack of verification comes with frustration and fear. We are looking for verification that we are coming through it, with immunity, not heading into it with vulnerability. Being sick in a very infected valley with hobbled medical personnel is scary. No question this set off the biggest fear I’ve had in this whole thing — that maybe we are not out of the woods. With our fevers and new symptoms still cropping up, and knowing athletic people that have died or been hospitalized, it’s easy to get scared.
This is where a little breathing and processing and meditation had to come in. Practicing- gratitude: No one is in distress here. And faith- in ourselves and our bodies, and our self care. Listening- to our bodies and our intuition, and the doctors. Pouring energy- into what we do have, which is great care and support. And keeping OUR perspective, which if you turn on the news it is easy to lose. Letting go- of the need to be in control, or the tendency to make everything make sense, and of resentment when it doesn’t. (The tests are imperfect, that is life. ) Feeling- vulnerable, and being ok with that.
So, maybe that’s today’s meditation. If you’re reading this and you aren’t in a place where you’ve felt this impact; take a deep breath. Give thanks. Appreciate this moment where you are removed, and feel safe. Like everything else, that could soon change. Practice being supportive and forgiving, of things and information you may not understand; this will energize you. Scrutiny and skepticism are drags on everyone, including yourself.
Listen to “Osho”! LIfe is not been perfect, especially lately. Pretty much every faith tradition acknowledges that a human experience involving skin and bones involves pain and suffering, and every faith tradition also provides guidance on how to grow through this, and transcend it. Practice your faith restoring practices today, whatever they are.
Life is imperfect. And we are all mortal; that’s the deal. You can’t sue China, as I saw two brothers are doing, because their 87 year-old-nun / aunt died of Corona. (Deal?) Deal!
Lean in, to triage mode!
And don’t forget to laugh…